I love my baby girl. I don’t think there is any doubt about that. But up until recently, the biggest joy I have had was seeing how much her family and friends love her. Watching Bob’s face light up when she smiles at him. Laughing with her Great Grandma Gregaydis and GG and Pop Pop when they coo and laugh with Vivian. Knowing that her Grandma will share with Viv her love of cooking and family. Seeing how she heals sorrow with my parents. Knowing her cousins will teach her how to walk and talk and learn how to beat Mario Kart. And watching my friend’s children be so attentive to her, and knowing how wonderful big brothers and sisters they will be.
Although it is hard to admit, it has been an adjustment becoming a Mom. Sure, some would say I became a Mom when I became pregnant. Certainly when I held Vivian in my arms for the first time. But that deep, lasting love was gradual. Building day by day.
The past few days that Love has built and built and built higher and faster than I ever thought possible.
Today, it hit me light a ton of bricks. We ran errands all morning, and came home when Vivian was tired and cranky for a nap. Feeling sleepy myself, I nursed her in bed. It is incomprehensible how wonderful it is to have a person you helped create fall asleep at your breast. Knowing that the chubby legs and double chin grew from the milk your body made especially for her. As I dozed, I couldn’t bring myself to put her in the crib. So, we snuggled. There she was, curled up on her side, sitting face to face, with her arm resting on my elbow.
I wish I could convey to her how much those few hours meant to me. How in those moments, watching her sigh and smile in her sleep, she made me her Mom. Forever.