girl babies

this makes me smile.

Lauren December 2007…

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and Vivian December 2012!

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Ella February 2007 and….

ella art

Vivian November 2012!

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Vivian November 2012

4 thoughts on “girl babies

  1. hi, i’m bev. i realize you don’t me and don’t know a lot about you. i read your comments on kate’s blog “nested”. you sounded so defeated in your last comment that i felt compeled to visit your blog. i’ve been reading through some of your posts. the wall post struck a chord with me and so here i am about to share something with a complete stranger. i’m older now(50) but 15 years ago our family, life, and farm came to rest on the edge of dispair. we adopted our oldest daughter when she was 4. she suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome. we loved and adored this wondrous gift we had been given. when our daughter went through puberty she developed problems that far exceeded anything we had experienced with her before. she began have 30-50 seizures a day. she became violent and acted out in bizarre ways.
    finally a specialist was able to tell us that this was normal for FAS children. the high levels of hormones during puberty have a adverse effect on the already damaged brain. knowing the reason was one helpful but we were still left caring for our very difficult child. my husband started working less and less because i was unable to handle our daughter on my own. the money became tight, then we teetered on the edge of bankruptcy and losing the farm. and amidst all this. i somehow became pregnant after 14 years of infertility. it was wonderful, happy news but it put more pressure on our marriage and our financial situation
    we all survived that period. it was not pretty at times and the ending wasn’t exactly “happy ever after”. through a powerful cocktail of psyhiatric drugs our oldest daughter became stable enough to remain at home. i gave birth to a daughter who i think was the “slap side the head” moment that returned us to the living and not just surviving mode. our marriage and farm survived but is forever altered. some things for the better, some for the worse. in the words of florence “you can’t choose what stays and what fades away”
    when i look into my daughter’s faces today i know that it was worth the fight. it took us time to knock down our walls and it took even longer to rebuild our lives
    i hope that you are well and ready to fight. i hope you find your peace. i hope you find what needs to stay and what needs to fade away.

    • oh bev. I cannot thank you enough. so thank you thank you thank you. I am a realist, and often a cynic, so it is so difficult for me to internalize the “it will be ok” I keep hearing. But you said exactly what I needed to hear: maybe it won’t be perfect, but it still will BE. my life will BE whatever it is. Instead of hoping and wishing my circumstances away, I need to work my ass off to keep going.

      But in the dark night, when I tell myself things I don’t want to hear, I will come back and read your post. and hope it gets me through until morning.

      thank you.

    • I happened to be going through old photos (a have a website that I never update, and won’t be renewed for another year, so I was double checking to make sure I had every photo saved), and found a picture of my niece Lauren wearing the same outfit that Viv wore that day! and then I stumbled upon a picture of my best friend’s daughter wearing a hat she passed down to Viv! just made my heart soar :)

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